I was never that little girl who dreamed of growing up and wearing all the pretty accoutrements of a woman. I was a tomboy running around with my brothers and wanting to wear their big, baggy clothes. Although we grew up without much money, my mom always made sure I had the prettiest flouncy dresses and matching hijabs (head scarf) for Eid (our holiday). I didn’t know it then, but as I grew up and into teenage-hood, I realize now that I’ve always had my own sense of style, wearing oversized clothes, or mixing traditional Pakistani fabrics with a simple pants and tee. Being mixed (mom is American -part Native American, Dutch, Scottish- Muslim convert, my dad is Pakistani) I never really fit in with any one culture or peoples. I never cared what the latest fashion was or what was trendy. I never read magazines and didn’t care, or even know, what was on the runways of New York or Paris.
That all changed when I hit 18. All of a sudden I began a crazy love of all things fashion. I began subscribing to magazines- my first being Allure which I received as a gift with purchase of some Avon lipglosses. Upon discovering runway shows on the Style channel, and websites like style.com, I was officially hooked. So much fashion, and so accessible!
After having my first kid, my son, I would find myself feeding him and staring into the distance imagining myself surrounded by Marchesa gowns and Louboutin shoes- a fantasy for sure, but I decided I wanted to begin documenting all that fashion I so craved. I didn’t necessarily want it for myself (although now I most definitely do) I just wanted to be around it. And so I began writing about my love for fashion and beauty here on Haute Muslimah.
Now, as 20-something mother of two, I still find myself struggling with my sense of self, womanhood, wife-hood and motherhood. I was, and still am, determined to be my own woman, to be a good Muslim, mother, wife, and still love something most deem frivolous- fashion. My parents raised me to be a strong, independent Muslim woman and that’s what I am.